spring chicken
what broke me was when you sent
i’m so grateful for you
and you are and always will be my perfect girl
and we are married in my heart
and a big bouquet of red and orange roses
to the secretary at my work
in the lobby at said work i’d paced just three months before
and heard your voice for the first time in years
you were skeptical
inquired into my state of mind
and i told you i was normal now
no more angel voices singing
no more fleetwood diner grilled cheeses
no more geekbars
or unicorn beanbags
or snowy walks in the middle of the night
what broke me was sitting in a foldy chair
in the first covenant church of chicago
looking for the god i’d lost
the god i sought to disentangle
hearing a dear friend speak
one whose path was meant to cross mine
before she left forever for california
how she dropped down to her knees
even though she was a jew
lines of crushed oxy between classes
dark academia
straight a student
car crashes
rude awakenings
rock bottoms
and remembering when she called me
when she was at hers
and i at mine
in a foamy call booth at my coworking space
and we were both still living where you lived
and leaving for the same city just across the lake
and i could see a future with no more angel voices singing
no more fleetwood diner
no more geekbars
we went to see a weird internet brainrot movie
about psychoanalysis
and japanese anime
and alienation
and the catholic church
when we walked into alamo drafthouse
i was 29
i was a girl
vision boards
diamond rings
white gowns
off the shoulder
long sleeves
city hall in winter
when we left alamo drafthouse i was 30
and alone
and to mark this juncture
you sent roses
red and orange
and you’re no spring chicken
and you are and always will be my perfect girl
and we are married in my heart
Emma Burger is a Chicago-based writer, originally from New York City. She is the author of two novels, Little Rich Kids (2025) and Spaghetti for Starving Girls (2021). You can find her work in Hobart, Write or Die Magazine, and X-R-A-Y Lit, at emmaburgerwrites.com, or on Substack at emmakaiburger.substack.com. She is an essays editor at Zona Motel.