Lana Del Rey has married a swamp boat captain!
I was stuck in traffic and suddenly
black snow started falling even though it was sunny
you texted casually that Malibu was on fire
but there were no orange clouds over the ocean, no flames on PCH
it’s the wind, idiot, you texted back
my eyes stung and then it was really snowing
chemical plastic ash and I was in a hurry toward your acid
tongue and lizard king good looks
but the gridlock was acting like our relationship
and you’re as deadly as California weather in September
I check my phone and suddenly I see the headline
LANA DEL REY HAS MARRIED A SWAMP BOAT CAPTAIN!
there is no drought in Des Allemands
there is no fire in Louisiana
I have let tour guides lift me by the waist
sit me on the edge of boat railings
wrapped my bare legs around their hard thighs
while they teetered me backwards
over alligator-infested waters
but I never actually married a swamp boat captain
oh Lana we love you don’t fall off
Danielle Altman’s writing has appeared in Hobart, Write or Die, Little Engines, Dream Boy Book Club, and elsewhere. You can find her on Instagram at @end_of_los_angeles.