eighth grade summer camp

I REDEDICATED MY LIFE TO CHRIST AT SUMMER CAMP IN EIGHTH GRADE, AND NOW I’M A LESBIAN

outside the mess hall 

they reclaimed 

as Church

lunch of mystery meat 

and     underripe fruit

slow     and warm summertime

We stick to plastic chairs

And make confessions

caught between truths

I say     I am truly miserable

my reason why would be heresy

here, everyone knows

what i am,

can smell the queer on my blood

like sharks trailing behind fresh wounds

in the drink

And I lie in bed   alone

crying to the same Britney song

looped on my iPod 

while everyone slept—

everytime I      try to fly    I fall

everytime     I  try       I fall

everytime 

i feel       so small

and maybe God isn’t real after all—

no small voice in my ear   no burning bush         

no apple to cast Eve from Eden—

but the way you look at me is

and the thought of you touching me

would be worth any Hell they could put me through

it is already worth the one

I put myself through

Arden Malloy (any pronouns) is a poet currently based in Northwest Arkansas. Motifs in their work include (but are not limited to): queer identity, desire, southernness, Being Online, and growing up at the intersection of these things. Work from Arden can be found in The Temptation Salon, GUM (fka Splashland Magazine), and Smacked Zine, among others.